Marriage, fantasies, age and limitations…

As I am sitting here and unwinding at the end of a day with a cup of tea in my hands and looking back in time to analyse how many of my goals I’ve accomplished in 2018, I realised something worth noticing and putting into words. 

So many of us measure our success rate or try to achieve a sense of achievement on the basis of all the materialistic goals that we might have already attained or still working towards them. Well there is nothing bad about it as it is everyone’s right to make their life better but is it nice to be cruel to oneself by setting up age as a barrier or a limit to achieving an aim? There was a time when I also got into such thinking and totally grinded myself. Let’s admit that girls become a victim of such mentality a lot more than boys especially in an Asian society. Even if parents are supportive and don’t use age as a criteria to judge the progress of their child towards anything in life then society is always there to remind their child of the standards! For example if one is not married by the age of 25 then it’s worrisome and when you hit 30 there has to be a kid walking by your side. Why? Because a so-called rulebook says so.

If you are a woman who has hit the age criteria for marriage that is set up in the minds of so many then there is hardly anyone who will ever notice your goals or achievements or try to see what you have accomplished or what exactly you were doing throughout that time rather than simply waiting for a prince charm to appear to swipe you off your feet.  

Here I would like to quote an interesting funny encounter that I had over the phone, with my friend from old school days. I must tell you that she is a very well educated girl who completed her bachelors degree from a well-known university in a STEM related subject. Right after her graduation she got married and moved to UK with her husband and a son. The time when we got in contact with each other, she was pregnant with her second child. The first question that she asked me over the phone was related to Shadi. When she found out that I was not married her reply to me was “OMG how come you did not get married? Why did not you get married?”

I was in my mid 20’s and focusing on my career at that time and what surprised me the most was that instead of asking what I was currently busy with in my life, she jumped to a conclusion that I decided to not get married and it was simply because in her mind a girl must get married by the age of 25 and if she is not then probably she does not want to get wed-locked.  Shabash aye!

In Pakistani culture mostly older siblings are expected to get married before the younger ones, whether they find the right person or not and such remarks from educated people can only add to parents’ concerns. 

Marriage is a sacred bond so it should be taken seriously. It beautiful to have a companion for lifetime; someone with whom you can share your life, someone who is always going to be there for you through thick and think and what could be better than having your ultimate partner in crime by your side all the time?! However, as good as it may sound, it has it’s own challenges because let’s admit that one cannot be at his/her best all the time. Long lasting relationship requires a lot of patience, tolerance, kindness, and understanding along with love, from both sides. So many couples struggle at present time to make their relationship work due to negligence of the simple fact that it requires a lot of hard work and time. 

You cannot have the spark of ‘Raj and Simran’ overnight like the way it is mostly depicted in Bollywood movies. Growing up, watching these false perceptions, which are far from reality, create more chaos than we can fathom. Constantly getting exposed to such romantic stories without having someone to clear the misconceptions can mould a young mind to think that a perfect relationship requires one to be lovey-dovey, 24/7. Hence, many teenagers end up fantasising relationship and wedding rather than focusing on their personal development and making their parents proud which in return is the root cause of other problems.

In short, focus on making your life better, try to make the most of every opportunity that comes your way and neither rush into a relationship or take any decision due to any kind of pressure nor be the cause of stress for others. Peace.